You have been in a relationship for a long time, and perhaps it is monotonous. But you love that person and despite the difficulties you are still together. At some point when the relationship was about to burst; you decided to confess that you had not been totally honest with him/her. With a knot in your throat, and with the fear that it could all end, you decide to tell them you were unfaithful.  It is at the most critical moment when there is no turning back. What you did will either make the couple stronger, or it will break. It is here when such a transgression happens, that the victim may want to get even. Yes, to  cheat and get even; or maybe just break the whole thing off. Lots can happen and most is not happy.

Should I Tell Her?

First reaction of almost anyone, is that of anger, frustration, and the feeling of having failed.  But as, and if the conversation continues, one or maybe both get to thinking that both were to blame.  However, as time goes on, the injured party really gets to understand that the fault was not theirs. This is when things begin to get sticky. Despite having issued a “forgiveness”, the bad feeling will continue. And such a feeling can provoke the desire to cheat and get even.

A study published in the Journal of North American Psychology (1); indicates that infidelity is most common in romantic relationships; and that it is most likely that infidelity will occur with the person least committed to it. The study found that 68% of women and 75% of men will at some point admit having cheated. Strong article we highly recommend gaining deep insight into the subject.


In Tsukasa Kato’s article (2); you will see that Men are most impacted when their female mate commits a sexual infidelity.  Women on the other hand, are most impacted when their male partner commits an emotional infidelity. This was also founded primarily on the way that the couples got to discover the infidelity. This can also be a cause that motivates the revenge reaction, or the need to get even.

People see it in many ways, but some act out of vengeance. They think they are putting things into balance so that their unfaithful partner will get to feel the same pain.  There are those who perhaps never have thought about cheating. However, when confronted with the situation, they may just simply want an “eye for an eye”.

Time to Get Even

Vengeance can also be the perfect pretext. When he/she has not been able to be unfaithful because of marital duties, children, religion etc. Getting even can be the perfect excuse to do it and put their relationship on trial.

There are also those who not thinking of vengeance will cheat after having been offended in the same way.  But they do it to validate their relationship, and test if their feelings justify staying together.


This study shows (3) there are 4 factors that determine whether the person wants to get even. The following is an overview. Details are in the complete study which you can download in the link provided.

  • Perception of the emotional wear and tear. When a person is deceived, he/she will evaluate what it will cost them to recover. Recovery is considered in terms of the emotional effort required, and/or the implications of therapy; and whatever other processes are considered to carry out a revenge.
  • Degree of Anger.  This is a major factor in determining the response. The degree of Anger or rage or treason that they feel. The stronger the feeling the greater is the possibility of considering getting even.
  • Cultural Values. The decision of taking revenge or not; is influenced by the concept of justice in their personal cultural criteria or religion.
  • Impact on the Offender.  Whether or not to get even will also depend on perception of the victim.  If revenge will put an end to the cheating and will impose a penalty on the cheater strong enough to do so. This of course is contingent on that the relationship continued.
It Hurts

To Cheat or Not to Cheat to Get Even

Finding someone to cheat with is easy enough. All you must do is open a profile on Tinder and get a date. Or you can call an ex that is willing. But before you move in this direction, carefully consider all the implications.  Make your decision after it is well thought out. Be conscious and ready to accept the results.