A subject not usually addressed and not many statistics available, but cheating within the extended family is real. Whether it be a cousin, an in-law, a brother-siter of your partner, a stepsister/stepbrother, and so on. While apparently rare it is not as rare as one might think. Abe Kass published in Psych Central (1) published that “husbands do sleep with sisters-in-law; wives sleep with brothers-in-law; and cousins, nieces, nephews and other relatives are physically and emotionally drawn to extended family members”.

Infidelity when discovered is messy but this is a situation significantly more devastating than any of the other of its nature. Try to imagine that your partner slept with your uncle, or your cousin.

With my Cousin?

Can you overcome it?

When your mate cheats on you with any extended family member, and after long discussions, you decide to remain together, keep in mind you have a most difficult uphill challenge.

Staying together will certainly have unpleasant moments, that can be awkward for a long time.  You will both relive the situation as often as family events take place. This can last for years or may even never stop.

We believe it is smarter to make a clean break, and embark on a life that can provide better life options for you in the future.

Not Short Lived

Most cheating arises out of opportunity and is short. How about a cheating incident with his cousin; which lasted for all of the 15 years he was married.  Amazing and almost unbelievable story published in mamas uncut (2) is worth readingThe affair apparently began when she at age 13, “seduced” him at age 16; or so he told his wife. They continued through their adult life; taking only took a short break when he got married.  However, 4 years into the marriage “she supposedly convinced him to continue their sexual activity on the side.”

Can Continue for Many Years!

Is it easier for the man to get involved in this type of situation? This can go the other way too. The article published by reddit (3) portrays a situation that is not entirely so rare. He caught his wife cheating with her cousin. The cousin Max is also married.  An entertaining yet insightful story of the emotional impact on him, as well as on Max’s wife, and the activity that followed which obviously ended in divorces. But what would you think by knowing the relationship with the cousin began when the were 15 or 16 years old. The couple keep it going for years and even after both were married. Situations of this nature can last for years.  In both cases we’ve presented, such behavior continued for a long long time.

Another interesting article (4) presents options of what to do, when like in this case, a woman cheated on her husband with his brother. This happened only once and a year earlier. But remorse almost always presents itself after the fact, and it hurts.

Specific recommendations cannot be given for each person or situation. But the author takes a stab at analyzing the situation, and present some valid suggestions. In general terms the areas analyzed at length and that you can see in the article include:

  • Motives: Why you want or need to tell.
  • The thoughts of punishment, revenge or manipulation may signal the need for a deeper dive.
  • If decide to tell, must first evaluate whom, and how much to tell.
  • Carefully consider the consequences.

The article presents each of the preceding points with deep thought and evaluation.  However, in the end, you must make a decision. That decision even after reading this article, may require professional counseling.