“CO WORKING AFFAIR”

“CO WORKING AFFAIR”

Be it before or after the “Pandemic” and notwithstanding your profession; you have certainly had a job that required working 7 hours or more.  You get home exhausted and certainly not in the mood to go out with your partner; and at times not even to share how it went at work that day. Little by little your relationship begins to wear down and co working affairs begin.

But what happens during lunch at work?  A coworker friend asks out for coffee, or lunch.  Conversations begin and after a time, you discover that both have the same complaints about the boss; his/her personality is pleasant; you even worry about the same things. As the outings become more and more frequent, you enjoy being with this person. The stress from work is forgotten, and suddenly you realize that you have more things in common with this person than with your mate.

Time passes, and the outings are no longer just for lunch. This is where you begin lying to your spouse/partner. You get home late because… you have “too much work”.  But the fact is, you just left the bar. Time goes by, one thing leads to another; you get a ride home, and a kiss good night.  Do you really want this? You don´t even know what name to put on the situation, but you don´t stop. However, you do decide to not leave your mate until you figure it out.  Of course, no one at work needs to know.

Are You Alone?

If you identify yourself with any of this, you are not alone.  An article published by “METRO CO”. in the UK and by “Forbes” indicate “65% of office workers have had a relationship with someone at work”. That “19% admitted to cheating with a colleague”, and 44% have known coworkers who had affairs at work or on business trips.

In the “Forbes” article, Kim Elsesser stated some other surprising statistics from the “Vault.com study”, among which this one was most surprising: “72% of those over 50 years old have been romantically involved with a coworker”. This article includes many other stats, in which you might also fall into. Why don´t you check it out?

“Proximity” and “time spent with someone” are important factors leading to affairs. You can see more of this in the article by Sadie Leder Elder PHD, published in “Psychology Today”. Proximity, and having something in common i.e., “the workplace”, makes for an easier start on the road to infidelity. Maybe that is why it is not so strange to end up in a co working-affair with someone.

Many if not most companies have recruiting profiles, that inevitably result in those that share the workspace, have similar characteristics, aspirations, and personalities.

It Begins Just Platonic

In her book “Not Just Friends”, Dr. Shirley Glass wrote that “82% of unfaithful patients she has treated, have had an adventure with someone who initially was just a friend”. When deep and passionate connections are made, it is easier to cross the line between platonic friendship and a passionate affair. Further she states that during her carreer, she has established that 50% of women and 62% of the men who were her patients; had had a relationship with someone at work. She wrote: “the workplace is a danger zone when it comes to attraction and romantic relationships”. In her book you can find the boundaries that help in distinguishing the dangers.  Where being just a loving partner is not enough to prevent a stray.

Not surprising that most statics on the subject shed similar numbers. It´s not all bad news, however. Another study with 1550 office workers on the subject; conducted in 2015 by “Approved Index”, that while sharing similar data as previously presented, also indicates that “30% of office romances led to a long-term relationship or marriage”. This is not necessarily related to unfaithful relations born in the office.

Where It Is Most Common

But then, is this story the same in all workplaces? Are co working affairs happening across the board in all businesses and industries?  Not so, according to the article by Nile Bijoux, published in “M2Woman” (6). It might surprise us to know that the number one area where it happens is in the financial community (Bankers and Brokers). The top five and in order of appearance following the financial arena are Aviation (pilots, flight attendants); Healthcare (doctors, nurses); Business (CEOs, Managers, Secretaries); Sports (athletes, instructors, representatives). The last five on the list include Arts, Night Life, Legal, Communication, and then the rest. Last, but not least, a curiously interesting finding is that two out of three unfaithful women, though unfaithful, do not recommend sleeping with a colleague.

Consequences

Let’s not try to fool ourselves.  Infidelity occurs just about any time, and anywhere.  There are no constraints. Not by gender, age, profession, nor any other factor. Infidelity most often has dire consequences.  Damage is most often not only to the couple involved. Families and friends are impacted.  Careers, professional relationships, friendships, are also stung when infidelity is discovered.

Did you know that about 33% of office romances end up in unemployment?

The “New York Post” article by Jacob Passy stated that “One in three romantic office relationships will end in at least one person being fired, according to a survey of 150 human resources executives conducted by hiring firm Challenger, Gray and Christmas”.

Despite tough governance in companies on romantic relationships in the office, co working affairs go on and on. Clearly a social, psychological (emotional) foundation makes us take this road.  An illogical path that can end up in disaster.

Think about it.  Having an affair is difficult enough without adding the complexities of having it with someone in the office. Wouldn´t it be safer to put limits on our behavior before putting our jobs and all the many other things at risk?