ONCE A CHEATER ALMOST ALWAYS………. A CHEATER
Humans are social beings and of many customs. That is why when we are in a long-term relationship, and our partner has been unfaithful to us, we prefer to forgive and continue. Why continue the relationship just because we are used to it?; Perhaps it is best to begin by going separate ways and starting from scratch. We have just too many things we put on the scale, before terminating our relationship. Among others are; losing stability, having to find another mate, hoping they are what they seem to be, having to deal with the cost of life without the help of your partner, the cost of the divorce, and so on. But think of this, one a cheater almost always a cheater.
WHY INFIDELITY IS FORGIVEN
In the study “The Adaptive Behavior and Psychology” (1), 32 reasons for forgiving an infidelity were identified. In the top spots are included having children, also having been unfaithful, believing the infidelity will not be repeated, and the degree of emotional dependency of the couple.
You have been cheated and it hurts because you never expected it. Occasionally there is guilt on the part of the one who has been cheated on. This plays strongly when forgiveness comes about. According to “Psychology Today” (2), it is most probable that the guilty party blame the “circumstances” or the “victim”; rather than taking responsibility for their actions.
One of the most common justifications is to say that the relationship has cooled down; or that the couple has distanced themselves. This pretext not only liberates from guilt but will sometimes make the other person feel guilt for having neglected the relationship. We do not believe that is a true and valid motive to go the cheating way. There are always ways to improve communication of the couple to strengthen the relationship, instead of looking for occasional sex, or a secret affair. Every head is a world of its own, and sadly we can never know what our mate is thinking of doing.
When someone cheats and you forgive them, the doubt will always be there. Will they do it again? As they say, “Once a cheater almost always a cheater”. There is a way to evaluate if forgiveness is worth your while. Analyze the relationship and detect signs that allow you to discover if this was the only time you were cheated on. Whether you are a man or a woman that made the discovery; or if it was confessed; looking in retrospect is easier to detect “red flags” of other moments in the relationship.
But how to know if your mate´s intentions of not being unfaithful again are true? Of course, going to therapy can help you discover other situations and put them into perspective. Following are some tips:
- Commitment to recover your trust.
If after a short while you feel they try for a few days, but later lapse into the same attitudes they had; can be a signal that they could again be unfaithful. Never put off that it is in their hands to work hard to rebuild what he or she destroyed.
- Refuses to discuss the infidelity.
We understand that at times it is best to turn the page, but every person has different times and processes to be able to forgive. If your mate begins to evade the subject or to minimize it, can be a sign that he does not see the importance, nor does he really care for your feelings. Therefore, he could easily be unfaithful again.
It is quite normal that after you suffer an infidelity, you distrust. But if our partner uses this to make you feel bad, to say you are exaggerating, or that you are the one with a problem; you had better be aware of what their real intentions are.
- Continues or starts to hide things from you
If instead of helping you regain trust, the behavior is as they hide things from you; is not a good sign. This can be a signal they continue to think about cheating, or they never finished the other relationship they had. If they hide to use the phone is an example. When this happens, it is best to confront and either look for a real reconciliation or break off clean.
In the end, human beings learn from their mistakes, but only if they perceive them as mistakes. If not, they work harder at being better liars.
Once a Cheater Almost Always a Cheater
A “University of Denver” (3) Study, demonstrated that people who cheated, have 3 times more probability of doing it again.
Perhaps your partner decides not to do it again. But if you decide to stay, there is a strong possibility they will do it again.