THE TINDER SWINDLER…..LOVE AND MONEY
How likely is it that you are messaging with a hustler on Tinder?
You can be talking with a master of deceit. The system has its faults, even with a “verified identity”. The “NETFLIX” series exemplifies just how faulty the system is. If you ever end up in a situation like this, the consequences go well beyond a break-up. You will lose money or worse.
If you haven´t seen the series, we´ll put you in context. Simon Leviev appeared a successful, and wealthy man searching for love in Tinder. His profile pictured him always surrounded by luxury.
He agreed with his “matches” a face-to-face meeting at the start. Little by little he brought them into his life of luxury. In some cases, the meetings ended in a relationship. Others perhaps ended just in friendship. But all cases enjoyed in the luxury provided by this supposed millionaire.
Simon wined and dined his women. Took them on fabulous trips. They lived a life of luxury for a time.
Simon´s secret was that he financed all of this with money he would get from his “matches”. He chose his targets well, and always got lots of cash from them. Simon would pounce once his girls were well into the relationship. They felt safe with him, having been wined and dined. A story of a short term need for cash would creep into the relationship. The story so credible it was impossible for his victims to not help him. So, the victims paid. I the end, many ended up with loans they took and had to repay.
What Works Well in Dating Apps?
A New York Times article says that showing a luxurious or eccentric lifestyle gets you more. The matches will not necessarily result in long term relationship. But you will get more fleeting and fun searching catches. Money has an effect to start short term relationships quick.
Swansea University conducted the research discussed in the article. The psychologists involved were “trying to ascertain whether human mating preferences switch in real time according to environment”. The change in environment involved money related aspects. Preferences did change, the different stimuli were presented.“ The study demonstrated this change in behavior, its authors say, within an experimental setting for the first time”.
Dating applications like Tinder are designed so you feel success when you get a match. The “Netflix Documentary” teaches us that sometimes you lose much more than you gain. Simon Leviev was not only physically unfaithful to his “matches”, but he was also financially unfaithful. His pretty picture of wealth was not real. It was designed to “take his “matches/victims” for a bad ride”.
The article in Investopedia, it is most important to start a relationship with clear knowledge of each other´s financials. The research shows that 32% of those in a relationship, hide financial information from their partner. 27% of them said that they continue to hide some financials from their partners, which they will not reveal.
“Money is personal but losing money is very personal”. How we make and spend our money, is wrapped in pride, ego, and sometimes shame.
The Tinder Swindler always hid his true financial situation. He engineered stories so that his “girlfriends” lend him money. They lent him lots of money. Most “Love” relationships are based on trust, and most couples do not usually discuss finances.
The Money Factor
Psychology Today’s article, “Can Money Buy You Love” shows us that having money is a factor that spurs relationships and makes falling for someone easier. The experiences, the fun together, what you buy, are all factors that motivate wellbeing. The more positive emotions you live at the start make things a lot easier. So the author Ben Zeèv, tells us that “Money and Status are certainly related to generation of sexual desire and satisfaction”.
How can you doubt someone that makes you happy? It is very difficult to doubt someone when you are filled with pleasant memorable moments. That is how Simon Leviev got away with his doings. His girls never doubted him. By the time they found out, they had already lost. Evidently a most difficult situation for them. They got their heart broken; and to make it worse, they ended up with debts some are still paying today.
Think about this. Simon had a “verified Identify” in Tinder, yet for his victims it was impossible to suspect an infidelity. So the analogy is that we are all more vulnerable than we might think.
We must always be alert, even if we are in a trusting relationship. Being alert does not mean lack of trust, not lack of love. However, infidelity rates and growing, as validated in other of our articles.