ADULTERY’S TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES………… ON FAMILY
We will now present a synopsis of adultery and its terrible consequences on family and especially on the children.
ADULTERY IS NOT VICTIMLESS
In his article, Abe Kass (1) of 5 Negative effects Adultery has on a Family, summarizes the most important impacts of adultery. The partner is not the only victim. The cheater always has an excuse for their behavior. No excuse is valid; whether it is that sex is not good, poor communication, spends too much, is irresponsible, is controlling, etc.… the only one responsible is the cheater. Thereby all family members are hurt; notwithstanding it is obviously undeserving. No one has anything to gain.
There is only one way to mitigate the damage caused. The responsible must first openly acknowledge their bad behavior to all affected (immediate and extended family). Only when the truth is in the open, can individuals each process the event or events, and begin to move forward. We must be clear. This is not a recipe to solve marital problems. We only strive to put forth the road to healing.
ADULTERY IS A PROBLEM THAT AFFECTS CHILDREN
Children will enter crisis when, their parents are in crisis. They are not so naïve. Not even the youngest ones are sequestered form the issues. They can see and hear; they feel, and they hurt. They are the recipients of the turmoil, which give rise to fear, uncertainty, and anger. This is a state most children cannot deal with.
Children can’t speak about it, and keep it to themselves, which severely aggravates their fear of the future and makes the situation impossible to process. The children need to be spoken to about the matter; in an age-appropriate way, and to ensure they understand they will not be left alone. Children need to be talked to by their parents.
WHEN IT LEADS TO DIVORCE ALL GET THE IMPACT
The family is like being passengers on a boat. If the boat flounders, all perish. Even though adults may know how to swim, children are most at risk. This is the same when the divorce scene appears. Impacts on children include school grades, and serious emotional damage which often leads to other undesirable effects and/or conduct.
EMOTIONAL WOUNDS THAT DO NOT HEAL
Adultery and its terrible consequences on family and especially on the children, is something that today is not given much second thought.
Most emotional wounds do not heal; and none of them will ever be forgotten. After the “shock” has passed, couples most often remain in a state of polarization, mistrust and guilt. There are always triggers that bring back the emotions felt at the time; even after years go by. Painful memories, emotional volatility, and extreme reactions are common.
Adults need to reach out to a professional, to deal with the impacts not only to them, but most important to the children. All of our emotional wounds are difficult to heal, and some are never truly do.
CHILDREN ARE HIGHLY INTUITIVE AND PERCEPTIVE
Andrew Feldstein brings us another perspective in his article, on How do cheating spouses impact their children’s emotional health.
Our offspring will feel the changes in our marital relationship.. This will happen, even when the situation is “hidden” from them. Parents will diminish their attention on them. Often children find out by a third party, which almost immediately causes trauma. This can alienate the child from one of the parents and give way to resentment. To avoid them from finding out from outside, therapists often indicate an open conversation, an explanation as well as an apology.
The young ones can feel the pressure of having to become the “protector” of the wronged parent. Common experiences for children are often shame, loss of trust, confusion, resentment, and ambivalence to the “culprit” parent.
CONSEQUENCES WILL IMPACT ADULT LIVES
Consequences are manifest in children of all ages. All children from toddler to young adults, may act out, withdraw, regress, or self-inflict harm.
Studies indicate an increase in likelihood of infidelity in their adult lives, when the child came from a home where adultery was present. Also resulting, is a lack of trust of their adult partners, is another consequence resulting from an infidelity suffered at home when young.
If you or your spouse have been unfaithful, it is of utmost importance to offer your offspring support, attention, and the resources that can strengthen their feeling of security and love. Consulting a family therapist professional is most advisable, if you want to attenuate the negative impact of the situation to your offspring.