Dealing with Infidelity is Challenging because of the tortuous thoughts that come once the affair is over. These are the kick-off words of Abe Kass (1) in his article on the subject. Believe it or not, infidelity is a relationship. It is one that will hurt everyone involved. The entire family, the children and even the extended family suffer. To survive infidelity poses a major challenge to everyone.
However, the one most damaged is the partner, who in the end is the main surviving victim.
When you start a love relationship, there is an understanding that neither will become intimately involved with another person. When this understanding is broken, you are shattered in many ways. Your thoughts and emotions are altered completely.
Emotions of people betrayed by infidelity become altered 100%. The results a real emotional suffering. Damaging thoughts of fear, confusion worry, crying, confusion etc., are all a serious emotional suffering. This is part of dealing with infidelity.
Following are summary of 5 tips from the author, that will help calm the storm:
“Understand your partner’s cheating is not your Fault”.
While this might be obvious, this alone is only one step in minimizing the hurt. Clearly cheating is never a legitimate option.
Fault is of your betraying partner. Remember this always as it will help.
“It is natural for this relationship disease called `infidelity´ to infect your entire life”.
However, you do not need to allow this to happen. When you reflect on your life you will find that you have many good things in it. The betrayal is not necessarily as important as the others. The good things can include your job, your friends, your family, your children if you have them. Life is much more than just that one person.
“There is a time to think about how the infidelity has hurt you and how it will impact your future”.
But there are also times when you do not have to think about the infidelity. Your thoughts about the crisis need to be contained. Don’t flood your life with fear, worry, anger or guilt. Take a stand and push away those negative thoughts.
“Use the spiritual resources you have”.
Spiritual resources are powerful and help make your life one of peace instead of one of turmoil.
“Infidelity is one of the relationship diseases that is very difficult to overcome without professional help”.
This is possible to do it alone but not probable. Do not seek any professional to help you. Seek a competent relationship specialist and take responsibility for your recovery. Mental clarity is essential to be able to deal with the maelstrom you’re going through.
To Survive Infidelity, You Must Avoid 6 Major Mistakes.
The author Abe Kass (2) has the following counsel to survive.” If you make any of the following 6 mistakes your chances for recovery from infidelity are next to impossible”. While we only outline the mistakes, please read what is behind each of them in his article.
- Do not make any Major Decisions.
- Do not Tell Others.
- Do not Attack your Partner’s Lover.
- Do not talk about the affair in the wrong way.
- Stop Blaming Yourself.
- You must Get Help After the Affair.
How About the Children?
Paramount to survival if you have children, is how you deal with them. Your children need to be included (3) in the process of infidelity recovery. No matter their age, children are unwitting victims of the infidelity disease.
This segment of the article offers a summary of valuable advice that will help to prevent as much harm as possible to them. We also present some elements for the parents to whether the storm. You can view details of each point addressed in the article.
What to Say and What not to Say must be precise. However ages of the children does matter as does the timing when it is discussed with them. Children quickly become aware of the rift opening in the marriage. They become disconcerted and need an explanation. Most important is that when speaking to them bout infidelity, you must be truthful and answer their questions. While they do not need to know the full details of the incident(s), they do need to know the causes of the turmoil.
There is a myriad of situations that can and perhaps must be addressed with the children. However, this short review cannot address it in all its detail. But reading Abe Kass’s articles at length will certainly provide substantial help.
No Easy Out
Children most certainly feel the turbulence of infidelity. Minimizing the damage to them and to their future requires careful but definitive action. The impact of the infidelity will be damaging and can be much worse when there is a break-up. What should I do?. When can I tell, what can tell, who else should I involve, how to address the subject when they are at different ages, etc. These are all important thing to consider to survive infidelity. All of these are discussed and presented at length by the author in his article.
We certainly hope you have found some help in this article. But remember that the infidelity disease is widespread. It is always better to find out early in the process. If you have any doubts, maybe you want to try and find out. Cheaterbuster can help you find someone who you think may be using Tinder.